I believe my disability to be the most common of all disabilities and one of society’s greatest shames. It has no medical name so it can’t be diagnosed by my GP because things without names don’t exist. In society, we prefer it this way as it’s a good way to hide things that we find hard to cope with.

There are many people who find dealing with people with my disability difficult. They feel that because I’m not like them, then I am dangerous and this makes them uncomfortable. There are lots of people out there who laugh at me when I do things, or get angry when I say things, when I express opinions that are different from theirs, when I wear clothes that are different to theirs, when they see me enjoying myself, and a host of other things. They want me to be just like them so that they feel comfortable. But unfortunately I cannot – you see, I suffer from this unnamed disability.

People often react to me because they have decided that I’m gay, a drug taker, 23 years old, and so on. Now I don’t really mind any of these things. Some of my favorite people are gay and or drug takers. I don’t think I currently know any 23 year olds but when I did, they seemed fine to me. I don’t mind being asked directly if I’m any of these things. I understand the disability and how it works. What makes me angry is that there are a lot of people who are nasty to me because they think these things of me. They don’t ask to see if it’s true, they just assume and try to make me uncomfortable. They either want me to go away, or to be just like them. Sometimes, they want to get violent with me to make this happen. But it never will because I am this way.

How do I deal with this? It hasn’t always been easy, but I’ve learned how. I’ve learned that I am who I am and any attempts I make to be otherwise will only cause me pain. To many sufferers, this seems a Catch 22 question. To be who they are causes pain, so they try to change, deny themselves, but this only causes a deeper pain. If we can’t be true to ourselves, then who can we be true to? I was born this way, like all fellow suffers. It may have taken some time for it to manifest but it was always there, so trying to be anything other than who I am, is just silly. I now concentrate on being good at being me, in all my special ways. And if people around me find this hard to deal with, I understand that this is their problem.

So let me present this guide for fellow sufferers who seek their own happiness:

Know who you are and keep knowing – If you don’t know you, then how can you know anyone else?

Wear what you want, go where you want, do what you want, sing and dance how you want. A girl once said to me, "My Mum told me to dance like there was no one else in the room." This was good advice – this girl was sexy, and true to herself.

Be honest and truthful and expect the same from others. Never use this truth as a weapon to hurt, but as a sword and shield to protect both you and others.

Don’t get angry and feel like a victim. Acting like a victim makes you one.

Trying to solve a situation by putting out victim’s anger will only get you in deeper trouble and that hurts. It doesn’t help!

Teach others how you wish to be treated. When they show you disrespect, understand why they do this and stop them. Don’t let their problems become your problems. I figure you’ve got enough already, so why get more? I often work it this way: if someone ridicules me, I quietly let them know that this isn’t cool by ignoring them, special looks…small things like that. If they persist, as they most often feel the need to, then I get right pissed. I react with scorn, or outright bluntness. I will ridicule them as publicly as they ridicule me, or tell them that they are being rude in no uncertain terms.

You might think that I get punched a lot, but I don’t. You see, I’m not interested in living how they live and so I rise above it. They might get angry, but I don’t. I’m only doing what’s right for me. Their anger is really at themselves and deep down, they know this. I merely point out what they know is true – they are being rude. Besides, it’s very hard for most people to punch a person who is really disinterested in being punched. Most professional fighters will tell you that a fight is won before the first punch is thrown. I know this, they know this, and I use my mouth to make this clear before someone has to buy a new shirt.

Okay, so you hate confrontation. So do I. But I hate swallowing other people’s rubbish more. I tell people how they can achieve a good relationship with me and a surprising number of times these people who first approach me with rudeness re-approach me with respect. Try this and you’ll be surprised too.

Bean spilling time: I earn half of my living as a DJ and have done for several years, making me one of the most abused professionals in society. My passion is music and everything it touches. I like to dress like a Punk, a Greaser (50s Rocker), Frank Sinatra and a Cowboy amongst other more passing fancies. I like to dance and sing in public. I listen to every kind of popular music, even the un-cool kinds. I watch Neighbours. I’m a Leo. Need I go on? I’m me and I’m learning to enjoy this and attract people who enjoy this too. I’ll never be what many others want me to be, no matter how I try so, I no longer waste my time. I’m happier, and that, friends, is really what it’s all about.

The disability, you ask? Sorry, I forgot about that. I used to think it was mine, that I was strange, a freak, different. Now I know that’s not the case. I’m just me. It’s the abusers who are disabled by prejudice. They lack the courage to be who they really are and, as a result, feel the need to vent their anger on others they see deviating from the norm in which they choose trap themselves. So to the abusers I say this; reread this story and then be "you already", be gay, be a pretend rock star, have big hair, sing along to Iron Maiden in the car. Get it?

Cool. I’m out of here to eat me some sardines...

- Benedict Roff-Marsh   
Kangaroo Point, Queensland, Australia.