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The
Heart of the Matter
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From the distant years of my
childhood a memory springs, clear as any modern photo. Weary
after a long country walk - I would have been about eight at the
time - we reached an inn. Gratefully we collapsed upon a love
seat that surrounded the trunk of an ancient English oak tree.
Whilst awaiting my father's approach with bottles of home-brewed
ginger beer from The Traveller's Rest, to quench our
thirst on this warm summer's day, something caught my attention.
Someone had used a knife on the tree. And that bothered me even
then. |
"Look! I exclaimed," pointing,
when my father returned. "Someone has hurt this poor tree, and
put a heart on it!"
"And look at those arrows, did Robin Hood do
that?" I asked in childish innocence, excited by the possibility
that this noble character from recent history lessons, who
robbed the rich to give to the poor, must have stood beside this
very oak. I was then and there instructed upon the affairs of
the heart as appropriate for one of tender age.
We all have a heart, be we
human, be we animal, bird, reptile, insect or fish. Its
pulsating engenders life. When the heartbeat stops, so do we,
and we depart into another existence. If we allow ourselves to
become 'heartless' our personality becomes unpleasantly
shriveled, we do not die, but we sure feel unhappy. Why? Because
we are denying our Spirit its sustenance - Love.
The heart has become the
symbol of love. A lover carved the heart upon the tree. The
arrows pierced it, showing that his spirit would remain wounded,
(in other words, he was unhappy) until he received conformation
that his love was accepted and reciprocated. At that point, his
Spirit received its nourishment, Love. Released, his Spirit
soared, he was happy. He was on cloud nine, in fact!
Our heart plays a dual role,
one physical, as a pulsating set of muscles, the other is more
mysterious. It appears to be connected, in some way, to our
inner Spirit. We are encouraged to regulate our diet for the
well-being of the physical side. The diet for our Spirit, we
have established, is Love.
"But what sort of
love?" you
ask.
Love, like a diamond is many
faceted. The first to spring to mind is romantic love, as
demonstrated by that tree carver above. There are many others:
marital love, maternal and paternal love, brotherly love, to
name but a few of the categories.
Now for the ingredients, or
qualities, found within love: nurturing, caring, sharing,
fondness, sympathy, awareness, understanding, indulgence,
kindness, thoughtfulness, truthfulness and honesty. These are
but some of those qualities, comprised within the Love that we
require to feed and nourish our inner Spirit.
Now, let us apply this
personally.
Are you feeling undervalued,
misunderstood, overburdened, inadequate, or just plain in a fit
of the blues? If this is so, then it could well be that your
Spirit is undernourished and is shriveling piteously. Our Spirit
is our essential being, the essence of our real selves. Each of
us is responsible for the well-being of our Spirit. It is the
invisible link between us and the very source of life. We should
enjoy happiness, and will, if we keep our Spirit well nourished.
And that is the heart of the
matter.
In our materialistic world, we
are so busy getting by that we have neglected this 'diet of the
heart'. Because we have so neglected it in our busy schedules,
our Spirit has begun to shrivel. We begin to show heartlessness
to our very selves. Is it any wonder that we cry out in
distraction, 'Who am I? Why am I so miserable? Why is life so
hard on me? Why...'
You, the real you, lies
buried within yourself, sick from neglect, starved, crying out
for notice, crying out for the nourishment only YOU
can supply. How?
First, by learning to love
yourself.
'That's selfish,' you object.
Would you choose to be
nurtured by a heartless nurse, examined by a distracted doctor,
advised by a miserable banker, taught by a crotchety teacher? To
do any of these things well the practitioner must be content
within himself so that he can afford to you his full attention
and expertise. Happiness is being relaxed and at peace. Stress
is struggle.
We are, each of us,
responsible for our Spirit's well-being, whatever our physical
state may be. To do this, LEARN TO LOVE
YOURSELF. Only then can you heal your
neglected Spirit. Only then can you quash the seeds of
contention and discord that result from a neglected spirit.
And here's how to begin. Treat
yourself gently, as you would a wounded bird.
Go back to childhood. Find a
happy memory as I did at the beginning of this story. Relive the
happy moment. Pick a flower and be happy in its beauty. Listen
to the song of the birds, the sound of the rain, see the drift of
the snow, smell the scent of a rose, feel the bark of a tree.. Rejoice in your life,
whatever hardship you face. There is always another whose burden
is greater than yours, so rejoice that your heavy burden seems
light in comparison.
Can you name the source of
your unhappiness?
Now think of a simple thing
that you can do to make you feel happy. Spoil yourself. Take
five minutes to sit in the sun, to enjoy a cool drink, to watch
the fish in the pond. Relax and enjoy the pleasure it brings to
your heart. Do this daily, varying your pleasure, and bask in
it. Persevere, there is no quick fix.
Next time you are feeling
blue, remember that so are many others on this earth. What can
you do to ease their pain? You can smile to pass on the tiny
spark of happiness that you have recently encouraged within
yourself. Doing this with love in your heart, will nourish you
too. 'What goes around comes around,' is the very true adage.
Take up a pen and list all the
good things that are in your life. Now put the list away, and
give yourself a simple treat, as described above. Whilst doing
it, think only of those positive things that are in your life.
Tomorrow you will take out your list to read, adding other
blessings that come to mind. Do this daily. Time and attention
are required to heal a shriveled spirit. Love yourself.
One morning you may awaken
with a new thought, perhaps another blessing to be added to your
list, or a thought of something you can do to please another
person: to bake a special cake, to mow the lawn without a single
grumble, but delighting in the sheer joy of the sun on your face
and the wind in your hair. You are lighthearted at last, your
eyes shine, your face relaxes into a smile. Only when you love
yourself, can you truly love others and know their needs.
So the heart of the matter is
this: if you see yourself, or another sees you, as a bullying
husband, a nagging wife, a rebellious teenager, a perpetuator of
road rage, a tyrannical boss, a drinker, a smoker, or whatever,
then you must pause to take stock. These are some of the signs
that all is not well. Your spirit may well be crying for your
help. Remember, only you are responsible for its well-being, not
your partner, not your friend, not your children. YOU!
You now know how to get
started upon feeding this neglected Spirit with the love and
care it craves from you.
Do the things that I have
suggested above daily. Establish a routine. Make your lists with
enjoyment. Spoil yourself with a treat and enjoy your own
company, relaxed and peaceful. In this atmosphere love can flow,
healing will begin.
With determination, you can
heal your Spirit with the nourishment of your love. You can
climb away from your misery, and reach for the contentment and
the true happiness of a whole Spirit. This is the very Heart of
the Matter.
- Sylvia Roff-Marsh
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