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Again and again, this question is being asked.
The first time I met with it I was thrown into
confusion. I assumed that this must be some form of guessing game
in which the questioner was posing as someone else. Unfortunately,
I could find no response as I was afforded no clue. I replied with
what I thought was an appropriate answer, "I’m sorry, I’m
useless at guessing games."
This was obviously not the reply expected. I was
left feeling even more confused. So I began to think about it.
Surely it wasn’t a serious question? Unless this person was
suffering from some sort of mental amnesia, but that didn’t seem
to be the answer either.
Everyone knows who they are, don’t they? I know
who I am.
But the question kept dogging me. It cropped up in
magazines, in books, it even sneaked onto television programs in
round-about ways. How could people ask such an inane question? And
for what purpose?
I know my name, and my address, I can even
recall my telephone number if pushed hard enough. I know who my
parents were and quite a few other bits of family data. I have
qualifications, hands on experience, and could produce a fairly
comprehensive résumé if required. Add to that, I’m medium
build, with brown eyes, brown hair, two arms, two legs ...
Is this really me? It could also apply to a host
of other people.
So, "Who am I ?"
I’ll try again. What really makes us who we are?
We each have a soul, or Higher Self within, to
guide us. We have intelligence, mental faculties, and emotions. We
have an ego, and a personality. This is our equipment for
living our life. It is up to us to ensure that it is properly
used, kept in tip-top shape and protected from misuse by ourselves
or others.
How do we know how to do this?
Knowledge comes to us in a variety of ways. The
purest comes from the promptings of our Higher Self, as the voice
of conscience. The training given lovingly by our parents, gives
us the foundation upon which we will begin to build our knowledge
and skills. We will learn how to control our emotions to build a
balanced personality. We will use our discrimination in decision
making. We will develop talents and skills. We will find out what
makes us happy, and what offends us, making us sad. We will learn
how to balance our life so that we are able to know
ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves and with the world
around us.
If, however, the balance of our life is not
maintained, then the question, "Who am I?" is relevant.
It is a sad question to hear asked. It signifies
that the threads in your life have become a tangled confusion. It
will be necessary to play the game of ‘Hunt the Knot’! We had
better begin.
What are the symptoms you feel? Can you name the
pain?
To help you to do so, here are some common
examples. A feeling of being overwhelmed, through wishing to
please everyone. Being taken for granted. Unable to make
decisions. Feeling burdened to such a degree that personal
thought or time is trespassed upon. An inability to control your
thoughts, or your emotions. Accepting abuse. A real feeling of
loss.
If any of these fit your case, then the chances
are that you have lost touch with your Authentic Self, in other
words, the real You. Somewhere along the line you
neglected that ‘inner you’. Whether the fault here was of your
own doing or that of another person, at this stage is not
particularly important. What is essential, is to name your
particular discomfort and set about putting things right. In other
words, it is time to free the real you, who is ensnared within the
tangled threads of the ‘Knot’.
Who is in charge of your life? The answer is, You
are. The fact that you are asking, "Who am I?" warns
that it is time to find out before further damage is done.
Let’s begin right now.
There are two key-words that you have to learn to
use appropriately to undo the restrictions of the knot. They are
simple, yes and no.
Think, for a minute, of the days when you were a
child. There must have been some days when you were really happy.
You felt carefree. You felt confident and secure. You could skip
along in the sunshine chasing a butterfly, swing on a branch,
paint a scene, read a book, build a model aeroplane. You could
change your mind and do something else. If a friend let you down,
you could control your anger or hurt and think out the best way to
regain your balance and be happy again. You learned to choose the
things that made you happy, and to reject the things that would
make you sad. Yes, or no, was the simple formula.
As you grew older, you found that when you agreed
to something that gave you pleasure, occasions arose when your
happiness was soured by someone’s treatment of you. However,
because you still held that person in regard, you allowed the
treatment to continue. Because you did not say ‘no’,
you were actually teaching the person that his or her
behaviour towards you was okay. Once you are faced with something
that does not please you, the answer should be ‘no’. If you
accept wrong treatment, you cross your threads and the knot is in
the making.
The wrong treatment becomes habitual. By not
saying ‘no’, you have opened yourself to another person’s
treatment of you. You have handed your power to them. This is not
a good thing to do. The power is yours to use wisely for your own
protection. Are you over burdened with requests for help? Are you
receiving ill-treatment from a spouse? Are family members
constantly requesting help when your own husband or children need
your attention? Learn to say a firm but polite ,‘no’. Ask
yourself this question, ‘Do I feel enslaved?’
You are probably forced to admit that you do. You
will have built within yourself, anger, resentment, self pity,
sadness.
Where is that happiness of childhood? You have
locked away your ensnared authentic self in a dark closet. You are
now only half the person you should be. The key to that closet is
in your own pocket. Use your key, undo the knot and free yourself.
Restore the balance and allow your spirit to run free.
It is not selfish to think of your own
well-being. It is selfish to neglect your real self. All
the anger and resentment that this arouses in you, spills out, and
harms the one’s you care for.
What to do? Nurture yourself back to happiness. Do
the things that you enjoy. Become the you, you recognise
from childhood. Organise time for this. For once you are being
handed pleasant medicine to restore you. Begin by doing something
that gives you pleasure. Take a short walk with the dog. Enjoy a
coffee at that little place by the river. Get out your paints.
Sign up for a class. Do a little window shopping, or seek out a
garage sale to make a fun purchase. Play a game of tennis or go
for a swim.
Practise using the formula, ‘Yes, it pleases me.
No, it is not what I want.’ Your authentic self will soon be
released and you will no longer have to ask the unanswerable
question, Who am I? You will again be in charge of your own life.
Hey, I’m doing all the work around here! Yes! It
is your turn to think it all out, whilst I make my authentic self
happy right now, by raking garden leaves.
- Sylvia Roff-Marsh
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